cait

i've done well today, all things considered. its been one long day.
its hard not knowing when i'll see him next.
head of the charles is so busy right now.
was good to be back on the water coaching the kiddos. my novices will start next week, informational meeting on thursday afternoon.
free time is bad right now. i need to be busy. i miss him.
need to get to the cape some time but its so busy i... maybe sunday. no. babysitting louisa then. maybe sat after practice. i dont have lyssa or cameron anymore. i - fuck. fuck fuck fuck. it sucks, it really sucks, it makes me so sad, i feel so lonely. i haven't cried. i'm doing a  good job. its just hard to think about all that i'm losing.
im trying to pick the best weekend for both of us for me to come to austin.
man, laundry situation is dire. gotta get on that.
not psyched for practice tomorrow am. martha will be there. i cant stand her. i really cant. i've never had such an aversion to practice as i currently do. i'm not the only one. i dont like it. it shouldnt be like this.
things arent bad though, really. hocr is a great place to work. im tired. 845 and im tired?! man. pathetico!

its been over a week since i had "a good row". i'm off, the boats off, it sucks.
i'm also really tired. so are most of the rowers.
i'm too old to get really good in time to make it to an elite level.
i want to nap but im afraid it will make me more tired and that i wont get up and wont get everything done before intenrship. i have 1hr until i need to leave. must shower eat get stuff together. hmm. the thing is the shower is free now... should work on my paper too.

UN into Darfur http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6559897.stm
Wow.

Babysitting went well today.

Erged 20' ss with the team (their cooldown).

Find out in the next 2 weeks about U23 invite.

SO TIRED!!!

I need a few more answers to this.... anyone?

So I have a class project for my Women, Sports & Society class in which I have to get sports background on 10 people of various ages and you're one of the lucky winners. I need it at some point this week. If you can't or don't want to do this, thats fine, I'll find someone cooler.

What sports have you played*? Watched? Coached?
When did you play/watch/coach sports?
What age were you when you played/watched/coached these sports?
Were/are there sports you want to play but have not? If so, why haven't you?
Was it difficult to get access to play/watch/coach these sports?
What is your age?
Did you grow up in a large town or small?

*Played includes recreational, intramural, school, collegiate, club, etc. at any level.

Thanks...............!
Cait

Some psycho test

1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. With who? Lyssa

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?  Squirrel

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?  He stops eating and looks up at me with big brown squirrel-eyes.

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe it. Its a medium size red brick house and there are some lights on inside. There are 2 steps up the front door.

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence? Nope. Big yard though.

6. You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room and see the dining room table. What do you see on AND around it? Blue walls, long wooden table to fit about 8 people, a small chandelier but not a fancy one. Lots of windows. No food on table. Candle in center.

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it? A kids Nemo cup.

8. What do you do with the cup? pick it up and shake it to make the fish in it swim around.

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What kind of body of water is it? Its a river but beyond it theres shoals and the ocean.

10. How will you cross the water? I'm not crossing it. If I need to for some reason, an 8+ is going to come by and pick me up.


so, how psychotic am i?



1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life. (Whatev)

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life. (Ok)

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems. (???)

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems. (Uh...)

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced. (Yeah right)

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy. (oh nice, thanks. WRONG!)

7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your current romantic relationship. (plastic? nonexistent? what?)

8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude of that relationship. (I shake it!)

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire. (uh oh)

10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life. (OH FABULOUS.)

Today:
12:15am- Lyssa arrives at Court's, where I've been struggling to get the door to unlock for 1 hour. We get into the house, walk Bandit, feed Weeks, and then drive to IHOP.
2:15am- I get back to Court's, make the bed, get into bed.
3am- fall asleep.
woke 1x an hour minimum from 5am to 9:30am. bad sleep littered with terrible dreams.
6:20am- dressed, walked Bandit
6:45am- went back to bed. Stayed there till 9:30, shitty sleep.
9:30- walked Ban again, fed him too
Hung out online, read, got wicked anxious, watched CNN, showered, watched Greys Anatomy online, walked Ban
12:15pm- drove to school, got some stuff together, ate grilled cheese, got my bike into my car, went to Target.
2pm- back to Court's, watched tv, cooked food, internet, lazy, etc. till now.

I've, not really Cried, but got Very Teary over a million parts of Grey's Anatomy, a breast cancer walk ad on the radio, and 2 TLC shows about big families. My head feels like it is going to explode. The afternoon has gone far better than the morning. Lily has 1 Klonapin so she's coming over wit hthat guy at some point this evening. I think I will take 1/2 tonight, 1/2 tomorrow morning.

Tonight I will go to bed early because I slept so poorly last night. In between now and then I will eat, do homework, feed cat, feed dog, walk Ban, watch TV, and try not to lose it. Those are my only goals.

I can't believe I have to start internship when I'm such a mess. If you don't know me, you probably wouldn't be able to tell that I'm a disaster inside right now.

So I've been watching these shows on TLC about families with massive amounts of kids- 16, 13. That is crazy.

So tired. Ready to sleep now.

Leaving to meet up with Lyssa and  Court to trick or treat in Boston. Lyssa's dressing as a ninja and I'm a very last minute ladybug (don't ask. It was easy) Court is dressing up Bandit (the golden retriever) but I'm not sure as what and she'll be late because stupid professional person (corporate lawyer) has to work late.  Lyssa and I are both just an inch or 2 over 5 feet and look about 18 so we think we can swing trick or treating. When we were at FISA some guy at Brookstone thought we weren't 18 so we should be good... that's how this all began.

Time to get ready.

PS I'm going in the launch on Thur when Boris coaches a few 2-s! Yay! I'm ridiculously excited and its improved my overall mood an enormous amount. :)

Even if you don't row
hate rowing
are tired of reading LJs about rowing
You should check these out. 
it's the Chinese 8+ sinking and it's amazing.

First they crashed... http://www.row2k.com/hotc/photo.cfm?action=pf&dir=2006Fall/HOCR2006/Collegiate8&start=45&label=HOCR%202006%20Collegiate%20Eight&offset=36&hi=yes

 Kept rowing... http://www.row2k.com/hotc/photo.cfm?action=pf&dir=2006Fall/HOCR2006/Collegiate8&start=47&label=HOCR%202006%20Collegiate%20Eight&offset=36&hi=yes

http://www.row2k.com/hotc/photo.cfm?action=pf&dir=2006Fall/HOCR2006/Collegiate8&start=47&label=HOCR%202006%20Collegiate%20Eight&offset=36&hi=yes

And sinking...
http://www.row2k.com/hotc/photo.cfm?action=pf&dir=2006Fall/HOCR2006/Collegiate8&start=49&label=HOCR%202006%20Collegiate%20Eight&offset=36&hi=yes

http://www.row2k.com/hotc/photo.cfm?action=pf&dir=2006Fall/HOCR2006/Collegiate8&start=50&label=HOCR%202006%20Collegiate%20Eight&offset=36&hi=yes

Holy cow/moses/christ/shit/crap/etc, I'm online.
And even more holy-ish than that, I'm online ON MY LAPTOP!

Problem #1 (fan error=laptop wouldn't turn on) got fixed by mid-Sept, had computer for 2 days, then the battery adaptor thinger wouldn't charge computerke and the computertje wouldn't recognize that it was plugged in so it did horrible death beeping noises and wouldn't wake up. Now, nearly Oct and 1mo later, I uh oh

Whew, project done with 14 minutes to spare.

I just want it to be Friday already!!

Saved: I will be rooming with Kate and Mary. Thank you god.

Wish our coach was coming to the race. Come on, races are when I pull it together and do well!

Ugh, we have termites crawling in through the front the door! Disgusting. This happened last summer too, much worse back then. Blah. They're so gross. I don't mind bugs but these guys suck.

I discovered something last night: my phone doesn't tell me when it receives Text messages. Meg texted me to come pick her up and I didn't get it.

Lame: I fell asleep at 9:30pm while watching LOST. I go to bed so early these days!

Bacon: So my fish died. Bakeybake. :( I'm sad. I wasn't sad when I first saw he was dead because it's been such a fucking insane week already that it was just one more thing on top of it all. But just now I looked and saw the empty space on my bureau by the books where Bacon's tank usually lived. Sigh. Oh Bakey.

Random: Carys just said "it is what it is" hahaha, she's being converted :) Just showered, feel CLEAN. It's nice. Waiting for either Courtney or Wedge to call.

Sculling: I skipped sculling this evening, weird I know. I had no zin in it. That makes no sense in English but whatever, maybe you catch how I mean it, ik had gewoon geen zin. There's a few words, phrases that just say more clearly what I mean in Dutch and that's one of them. Anyway, back to the point, it was windy and that would make the bike ride longer and I feel like I live in/on the river & my bike lately and I just wanted to do nothing. So, I'm doing nothing. And it's good.

Crew: On Sunday we get lineups for Sprints.... I'm sure there will be some grumbling... I'm very curious, very very curious, to see what they'll be like. Will he load boats and how obvious will it be? Will he mix lwts and opens? I know we'll have one Masters 4+, any 4-s? Are we doing a mixed 8+? Who knows. Whatever, it'll be fine one way or another.

Drama over Cait quitting (SO NOT TRUE) has been resolved, more or less. Hell, the coach even gave me a compliment today. I was shocked. I think thats the 1st time ever. And, I didn't have a good day. My steering was pretty on, actually, (somewhat shocking in itself but especially since I was in the Burke, our unsteerable 4+) but I felt my coxing (verbally) wasn't on. Whatever. We lost every piece, which blew since my boat the day before won every piece. I hate having certian people in bow bc they don't tell me when boats are coming and don't know how to tell a cox when boats are coming and dont give you any feedback on how the boat/rowers feel or what they want to hear. There are 3 people in particular that I like as bow because they're great at those things.

This weekend:
Fri PM-Cambridgeside Galleria, bed before midnight bc of practice
Sat AM-crew, volunteer hours at the boathouse, then either:
going to the Cape, walking the dog to the beach, reading, sleeping
or staying in Cambridge, going to Rachel's Bridesmaid of Frankenstein party (mostly team members
going) then somehow getting to the Cape (no idea how)
Sun AM-coxing for Barnstable!
Sun PM-back to Cambridge

That's all I've got.

It's not that I didn't hear of it before but somehow it just got through to me this time...

I think this article should stop mbe from complaining about the rowing team drama for at least an hour:
CAPE TOWN, South Africa – Baby rape and HIV/AIDS. These two terms conjure images of the very worst fears South Africans of all races and political persuasions have about the latest and perhaps darkest impulses being unleashed in this long-troubled country.

Today in South Africa, babies are being raped, infected and then dumped at garbage disposal sites around the nation at an alarming rate. Many babies with HIV/AIDS also are abandoned without being raped or otherwise abused. ( article continued here )

Very strange: I slept until 2:55pm. I went to bed around 2am on Lily's floor since Ashley's boyfriend is here for a week. I woke up around 6am and momentarily panicked because I was late for practice then fell back asleep till my alarm went off at 10, 11, and 12. I clearly did not wake up for my alarm; I also slept through 2 phone calls.

I'm going to start filtering what I say and write more because lately I feel like everything that comes out of my mouth or fingertips seems to offend people. It's not purposeful and it seems to be happening all the time.

I *love* that the only people who put Chatham Elementary or Chatham High School as their school on LJ are people who were at the school for a limited amount of time then moved away.

That damn baby made me sick. I babysat Abby 2 days ago and she was sick with this exact deal.

Everything hurts so bad. Muscles and bones and whatever ache real bad and now I can't stop crying and I'm afraid it'll make me throw up. Lily got me ginger ale and saltines so I'm still alive but I haven't tried saltines yet. Ashley and Tawny are gonna bring back popsicles but I think they will be the wrong ones. I can't get comfortable and I can't sleep and I don't know why I'm crying. Whats good is I haven't thrown up still since 6. I don't think I'll ever get better. I got out of my bed for 30 seconds to get gingerale from the little fridge but it was awful.

I ache so badly. That's the worst part right now, the aching around my hips. And if I move (roll over, curl up, etc) then the nausea's awful too.

I don't get sick very often, just colds & sinus infections. I *hate* being sick. That's Ashley's job. This is miserable.

Lily put on Finding Nemo so I watched that but then before it ended (almost the end) I bumped the remote and messed it up so now the News is on.

I hope popsicles don't make me throw up.

No more crying.

I am officially procrastinating my ass off.

Alarm started going off at 8, woke up at 10, played on computer till 11, showered, and am back online till 12. Going to lunch at 12:30.

Theres something stuck in my contact and its irritating but I dont want to stand up.

Two finals tomorrow, both will suck, Research Methods & Oceanography
None Thursday
One friday, International Relations
Oh, and a paper due on Friday, and another one on Monday

After tomorrow, the end is in sight.

I really want frosted flakes. I hope the caf has some. Otherwise I might be so desperate as to go to sketchmarket and get some.

Okay, the contact is too irritating, I'm done-

DAMN!
I was hoping the snowstorm would hit tonight and classes would be cancelled on Wednesday.
Now they're saying no snow at all.
Man....

it's called "everyday i worry about something"